What music means to me.

So, what makes a 32 year old (i'm now 33) decide that he wants to play the bass guitar? Especially since I have never really played any instrument at all. Well, there are so many different answers to that question, and it got me thinking about why I did decide to put in the effort to learn how to play. The short answer to that question is, my son. I really want Liam to understand and appreciate music at a level that I never really did until, well now. I want him to fully appreciate what a musician put in, in order to create the music they do.

As I was thinking about all those points, I started thinking about the music I enjoy listening to, and why. There is just something about listening to a song that really hits home. A song where the lyrics seem like they are speaking directly to you. The way a song comes together, and creates the mood that you are feeling, not only with their lyrics, but the tempo, and the tone. It is just a feel that you get, and for me, it is a feeling that maybe this person knows what I am going through. It makes you think that maybe you are not alone, and that someone else has made it through a situation similar to yours. I personally think that the reason people are so attached to say a band, or particular artist is because they truly believe that the artist understands them, and writes music that fits their particular emotional state. I don't want to make a blanket statment, stating that this is why everyone likes a certain type of music over another, I just know this is how it works for me.

I personally have music I listen to for every possible situation I go through. For working out, I like fast, chest thumping metal. When I am down, I listen to slow guitar or piano music, when I just feel good I like a slow steady rock beat. It has been a constant search for me to fill the voids in my emotional states with music that talks directly to me about the situation. People that really know me, know that I go through emotional changes constantly, sometimes as frequently as hourly. Thank god for Itunes, and an endless set of playlists that fit my mood.

To take this all a step further, could I possibly appreciate music even more than by creating it myself? I picked up the bass with the intention of learning it well enough to teach my son to play. As I practiced, and started listening closer to songs I liked, and even songs I really didn't think I cared for, I started appreciating music at a level that I didn't even know existed. Just listening close to each instrument (I include vocals in there), and appreciating how it all just fits together, and how emotionally invested it seems each particular band member is in what they are producing. It all just makes me very envious. I want to produce something that speaks to my son, my friends, my family, my loved ones, and tells them how I feel about them, and about myself. I write songs that convey how I feel about everything. Whether it is about an old relationship, a new relationship, a personal tragedy, or maybe how I feel about something in society. All of those things I want to discuss with others, I want to try and do it through music.

Although I hear that I am an extrovert, I have a image of my self that is very introverted, and for me I find it very difficult to discuss certain things, painful things, face to face with people. Put me behind a computer, and I will say just about anything, and I have found that I feel the same way through music. Maybe it is a character flaw on my part, but through abstraction I am able to say all the things I want to say to everyone without really having to face the situation directly. I love making CD's for people that I care about telling them how I feel. The problem is, I am using other peoples words and music to express how I feel. I thought to myself, what if I could, in my own words tell them how I feel through my own music. I just feel that would be more of a lasting impression, and would hopefully leave less doubt as to what I am trying to say. Granted, some of the songs we love, are songs that we interpret the way we want. We decide what the lyrics mean, and we decide what emotional state the music puts us into. Yet, the person sitting next to you, listening to the same song, can interpret that song completely different.

I guess that is why I love music, and that is what music really means to me.

On top of it all, I don't care if I ever see a nickel from playing music. That doesn't matter at all. The investment I have in lessons, instruments, learning materials, and time are all well worth it. I would love to one day perform for people, and get my personal message out there, but it isn't my ultimate goal. My real goal is to get my friends and family that love and play music like I do into a studio, work on music together that tells a story about our lives together. I would like my brother and I to create music about growing up together, or for me and another friend create a song about something that happened when we were together, and then have Liam and I write something together. That is my ultimate goal with music.

My quest to be a Bass player.

My quest to be a bass player started back in March of this year. I had decided that when Liam was old enough I didn't want him to only appreciate music, but also learn how to play an instrument, and I wanted to be the one to teach him. That led me to go to Henri's music and rent a bass and an amp. I ordered a couple books, and off I went into learning mode.

As with most things for me, it isn't coming along quite as quickly as I'd like, but I am making progress. After about 4 months of self study I started to question if maybe my approach to learning was flawed, and maybe I could be learning at a faster pace, so I started to solicit lessons. The first recommendation I got was for Andy Mertens with Jazz Orgy (http://www.jazzorgy.com) here in Oshkosh. Not only was he highly recommended as a teacher, but those who have watched him play said he was amazing. Due to scheduling conflicts and timing I could not get a lesson with Andy, and went with someone I had found doing a web search. He was a good teacher for the one lesson I've had to this point, and very knowledgeable. As fate would have it, Andy Mertens became available for lessons, and now I have my first lesson with him tonight. I believe tonight really begins my journey for becoming a real bass player.

I will keep posting blogs on my progress. Incuding songs I am working on, both originals. And covers. I'm very excited about this, and can't wait to share with my son.



Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Baked Haddock Recipe

I always double the recipe, but here is how I made the baked Haddock last night.

5 to 8 Fillets of Haddock (I used Frozen, but I would imagine fresh would be that much better)

1 TBSP Honey

1 TSP Mustard (prepared, I just used yellow mustad, Dijon would probably be good as well)

1 Egg (slightly beaten)

1 TBSP Ground Pepper (Seems like a little much, I never double the pepper. If I double the batch, I still only use 1 TBSP.)

2 Cups of Corn Flakes (I personally mix Corn Flakes, Total, and Captain Crunch). If you double the recipe, you probably don't need more than 2.5 or 3 cups of cereal, unless you have 8 or 9 fillets.

Directions:

beat the egg in a bowl, and add the honey and mustard, and mix together well. Set that bowl aside.

Next, crush the cereal in a bowl and then add the ground pepper and set aside.

You'll just want to take the fillets and dip them into the egg mixture, then dip them into the cereal/pepper mixture, and then set on a greased baking sheet.

You will want to cook them @ 375 Degrees for 20 to 25 minutes.

**Please do not hesitate to ask if you have any questions. The same Egg/Cereal mixture works great with Chicken as well.

Personal Evolution

This week has brought a lot of emotions that I have either been suppressing or that I have just been ignoring all together. Tuesday, at 9am my divorce was made final. I'm not going to discuss the demise of my relationship, I am going to focus on the type of person it has made me today.
I can say that the D word is very painful to confront. As a man, there a very real sense of failure and for me a sense of inadequacy. As a person, where did I fail, what could I have done differently, and how can I make things right for everyone involved, today, and into the future?
I can say that today I am not the same person I was in highschool, nor am I the same person I was the day I said I do. My whole life changed the day of the shooting incident a few years back. That is a spot on my life's timeline where I can't confidentally say my life changed. I wish I could say that it changed for the better, and besides the nightmares that followed, I thought my eyes were open to the world, and felt then that I was a stronger person for having gone through it. I believe the reality was that the situation began an uncontrollable downward spiral of paranoia, apathy, and fear of the unknown. Michelle could probably attest to my change in personality after the incident, that, coupled with the ADD drugs that I was prescribed really changed me from the inside out. I truly believe that the set of events I detailed above were the first steps towards my transformation from a fun loving person to a paranoid freak if you will, culminating in what was to become the darkest chapter in my life, which was my divorce.
The craziest part of the whole thing is that during this period my son was born, and so there is a silver lining in the situation that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.
So here I sit, still fighting myself for control of who I am, who I was, and who I think I should be. I don't know where it will all go from here, but it is a work in progress, and I hope that as that chapter ended, a new positive one will begin. I am too far passed saying sorry for everything that transpired, I just want it known that it was me, it was all me.

Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

My little slice of heaven

Based on the subject, those of you that know me know that I'm being sarcastic.
The picture is of course Millwork Distributors in Oshkosh. I have been involved with this company since 1996.
It is such a love/hate relationship with this place. I have met many people that I consider friends here. I've seen marriages, and I've seen divorces. I've seen co-workers fight, and I've had co-workers die. People quit, get fired, get re-hired, and fired again. I start to wonder if my company is unique, or if these scenarios are played out in many companies throughout the world. I'm sure that my situation is not unique, and that the grass isn't that much greener on the other side.
I know there are no bars on the windows here, and I am not forced to be an employee here. Even though I am fully conscious of those facts, it doesn't make it any easier to come in each and every day.
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Passion

I was reminded this past week on what it means to be passionate about something. I'm not talking about the "I like to do this, so I do it occasionally" type of passion, but the type of passion that actually inspires you to reevaluate the decisions you have made in your life.

There is something to be said for the type of youthful optimism that makes you want to go into your diary, or journal and pick out a dream you've been holding onto since childhood, and giving it a shot. It is the type of passion that makes you believe the things we dream about doing are actually possible.

I've always been inspired by those who had the guts to break away from the everyday grind, and pursue what makes them happy, instead of just following the flow. I don't mean to minimize the nobility of the 9-5 employee. I mean, society needs us in order to function, but how many of us can honestly say that we are happy doing what we are doing. Note, I said happy, not content. Some of us make really good money, and therefore can afford nice things, and go nice places, and that is great if you can get by on that, and not have any regrets.

I personally only have a few friends that have actually pursued happiness, rather then run the rat race, and I try an analyze what makes them different. Is it a character trait that was instilled in them early in life, or maybe a chemical imbalance in their brains that makes them more driven than the normal person, or maybe it was a privileged childhood that enabled them to start ahead of everyone else. I then realize that these are all excuses I make up for myself to justify my lack of motivation, and yes passion. These people I know weren't given anything, they don't have some gene that only a small part of the population ends up with. These people are just driven, passionate people. They know what they want in life, and they are willing to do what it takes in order to achieve what they want, and they will go to their graves knowing that they made the most of the life they were given.

I truly believe that we all have the capability to pursue the things we want out of life. I also understand that not all circumstances allow us to see the light at the end of the tunnel, we might fail a few times, we might fail many times. The fact of the matter is we can at least say we tried. I'm not saying take two steps, run into a wall, and then just give up and turn around and say it's impossible. If you have the passion, you will find a way, you'll leave yourself no choice but to find a way.

I also believe that it creates a snowball type effect. One person succeeds, then that shows another that things are possible, then they succeed, and so on, and so on. It is fun when you wake up one morning, and have a renewed sense of purpose in this world. You start to feel that you can make a difference in this world, just like when your kindergarten teacher tells you that you can be anything you want to be. Even if I just sit with my head in the clouds for a little while, I can tell you that I am feeling good about the future, and the things I believe I can do to make a difference in others lives.

It is hard to ignore the capitalist part of my life, I mean, there are things I want, there are places I want to go, and I am realistic, those things are not free. But there is a sense of appreciation I feel for the opportunities I am given to actually pursue what makes me happy, and I guess I will feel I wasted my life if I do not take advantage of those opportunities. If I can do something to inspire one person to pursue happiness, I will at least feel my life was worth something.

I want to thank Nick Schertz and Jesika Newsom for reminding me what passion is, and what we are capable of if we believe in ourselves enough. Keep moving forward, your passion is very inspiring, your drive is very motivating, and your success is deserved.